First comes..Divorce? Oh Jeeze!
These days, it seems that divorce is the new normal. Yes, it's sad, but let us face the facts. Many of us are divorced with children. The divorce was tough enough right? When you were getting married, I think it's safe to say that nobody was thinking,
"Let us get married, have some kids, go through the ringer, and then get a divorce...Yeah! Ready, set, break!"
Sleepless in (insert your hometown here.)
Here you are, alone, with or without kids, wondering how you ended up here, and worst of all, wondering where you are going to end up. Divorce is scary; it's taken you completely out of your comfort zone, and it's difficult to sleep with all of these questions swimming around in your head. You may be wishing you could just go back, but most likely that is out of the question. So, where do you go from here? Well, let's assume that you have already given yourself some time to grieve. You're on your own, but you have finally decided that you don't want to spend the rest of your life alone. So, here we go...into the dating world, (please mom, no more set-ups!)
Dating and Love
You've been on a million dates it seems. Most likely you've had a difficult time finding the right person, but let us say that you finally found that special someone! You are in a place you never thought would arrive again. You are in LOVE!
The Perfect Marriage, (or so you thought.)
Wow! You're in love, you have made it to marriage, your spouse and your kids seem to be getting along well...jeeze, this is fantastic! Seriously, what could go wrong after all you have been through in the past? I mean you never thought you would find the right person, let alone get married again; you are in Heaven. But wait a minute, something seems to be going amuck, right before your eyes. This cannot be right, after all, you ARE in the most wonderful place you could be, when suddenly in steps...
The Jealous Ex-Spouse!
This makes no sense whatsoever, what I'm about to tell you, but it happens all the time, so listen up. Let's say that your ex, or your spouse's ex wanted nothing to do with your spouse or you, until, dun,dun,dun dun (that's the scary music,) The ex spots your new, lovely spouse! Suddenly, after all of those years of,
"You're not good enough, and I never want to see you again..." The ex thinks that you are the bomb! They are flirting with you, they seem to have forgotten how much they despised you, there must have been something they overlooked all of those years because someone else finds you absolutely handsome or beautiful. That spouse that couldn't stand you, and wanted that divorce so badly, wants you back! They can't stand your wife or husband..they are jealous!
One of the biggest mistakes I've seen people do, is fall for this false sense of hope. They actually divorce their new spouse and go back to the old so that they can have their old lives back- their family unit. They forget all of the bad, and try it again. Please, please, do not make this mistake. Why? because people want what they can't have. They don't necessarily want you, it's the fact that someone else found you, had you, and adored you. Going back to this person is almost always going to end in a bigger disaster than when you divorced in the first place. You may have a couple of weeks, or a couple of months of happiness being back together, but the old ways will creep back again. You'll hurt yourself and your kids when you find your spouse saying, "I've made a mistake, I don't want you anymore, you're the same old person I divorced, and I don't like you again."
Dealing with the Jealous Ex-Spouse
What is the best way to deal with this spouse who has become jealous? Let them know that you have moved on. He or she had their chance, they beat you up, and you are happy again. Don't fall for the lies that they want you back. They just don't want to see you happy, especially if they are unhappy at the moment. If there are kids involved, don't ever say a bad word about your ex, no matter what they say about you..or your spouse. It will just make the kids uncomfortable; after all, this IS still their Mom or Dad, they will always have loyalties to both of you.
If this spouse is stalking you, or calling relentlessly, document the date, time, what they said. Save messages if they are not regarding the children, or if they are threatening to use the children against you, and call the Police every time. You will need to generate a time-line, and what is happening. Your ex may then be told that they may not contact you unless it is solely for the care of the children. It must be in the best interest for the kids.
Stand up for your spouse. Stand up for your children. Don't let the jealous one know that they are getting to you if possible. It is exactly what they want- to get under your skin. Try to let things roll off of your back. It's easier said than done, but the more you practice, the easier it will become, and the better life is for you, your children, and your new spouse. Good luck to you, and have a happy life! It's all up to you and the way you handle things!
ไม่มีความคิดเห็น:
แสดงความคิดเห็น