It is truly amazing to see how many parents act like bickering children when involved in a custody dispute with their ex. I don't mean to be harsh but so many parents act with such immature behavior during a divorce and/or custody dispute and basically ignore the emotional needs of their kids. To their defense, extreme stress can wreak havoc on the best of us so I don't really blame them. If you are smart and you really do want custody of your kids then you can use this innate human stress response to your benefit and show the courts that you truly do have the best interest of your child at heart.
What I mean is that, if most of the people are acting immature which unfortunately is the expected response these days and you take the opposite expected response by not participating in the childish arguments and games that warring parents often do, you will come across to both your kids and the courts as the more responsible parent.
Now I'm not saying that it is easy to ignore your ex when they are constantly late in dropping your kids off when it is your time to be with them. But by taking a step back and letting it roll off your back, you are giving your kids a huge stress relief and showing the courts that you are keeping the best interest of your kids in mind while the other parent is not (you probably don't want to come straight out and accuse them of that though.) Do keep a log of issues like this for future use if necessary
Most kids are really hurting emotionally during a divorce and parents who put them in the middle are only hurting them more. It is not their fault at all that the divorce happened, but many kids think it is.
It is very important to explain to them that it was not their fault and that no matter what happens (believe me kids minds can think up some crazy stuff) you will always love and be there for them. Kids don't have the same mental and emotional capacities that adults are supposed to have, so they need extra help in dealing with the issues.
Try very hard to keep their routines in tact even if it means inconveniencing you sometimes. Once things have settled down (and it can be awhile before this happens) then you can change things a bit to make it easier on everyone.
Some common things the courts look for in determining "The Best Interest of Your Child" are:
1. Keeping the kids enrolled in the school district that they have already been attending.
2. Even though it may be difficult, try to include the other parent in big decisions, such as medical and school. This shows the court that you are respecting the wishes of the other parent, even if you don't act on those wishes.
3. Don't make it difficult on your kids just to irritate the other parent. For example don't return them late if you know that they have a soccer game to get to. This puts your kids in an uncomfortable situation.
4. Remember that your kids love both of you very much, so try very hard not to talk negatively about the other parent in front of them and don't make the kids a messenger for notes, money, etc. It is not their responsibility and it is not fair. A judge will most likely look at this as hindering the best interest of your child.
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